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Special Saturday Night Finals Frenzy Preview -- April 21, 2007
PIC : A girl just said that the photocopier ate the papers she was trying to copy.
Me: Okay, I'll have IKON come out to un-jam it.
PIC: Well...That's not really the problem.
Me: (Tilts head)
PIC: The girl said the multiple-page feeder sucked in the stack of pages she wanted to copy, charged her account, but never made the copies and never gave back the originals
Me: The copier doesn't have a feeder.
PIC: Precisely.
Me: So then how did she get the copier to suck up an entire stack of originals?
PIC: (shrugs)
Me: Oh...I...ummmm...that's pretty awesome.
PIC: Yeah, pretty much.
*******
Uhhh....Do You Also Have Books About...You Know...Stuff?
Patron: I need a book about America.
Me: What about America? It's history, it's politics, it's geography, it's culture....
Patron: Uhhh....technology?.
Me: Any specific kind of technology? Computers, cars, factories...?
Patron: No...just...technology.
Me: Well, there are 544 books in the catalog that discuss "technology" and "America." Can you think of any way how to narrow down your search at all, or would you like to just start browsing?
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Maybe a Sledgehammer Will Fix It...
Noise Coming From Somewhere Behind Me: (Slam!...grumbling noise...Slam!...grumbling noise...Slam!...grumbling noise...)
Me: (turns head to discover from whence the slamming and grumbling noise came. Espies a typical specimen of the college undergraduate male - Homo moronicus - jamming a thick stack of papers in the woefully undersized plastic stapler. Homo moronicus balls hand into fist and brings fist down on stapler...Slam!...and grumbles ans staple falls pathetically out of stapler, slightly bent but unattached to any sheets of paper.) Can I help you?
Homo moronicus: Nah, I just gotta staple this. (Brings fist down on stapler again...Slam!...this time jamming stapler. Takes stapler and, using a clever and well-planned strategy, strikes stapler on the counter a few times...smacksmacksmack!) I think this thing is broke.
Me: I see that. But actually that stapler can't handle thick stacks of paper. You'll have to use a heavy-duty stapler.
Homo moronicus: You think so? (smacksmacksmack)
Me: Yeah, I think so.
******
A Finals Frenzy Joke:
Q: How many students does it take to break a brand new stapler?
A: One. Each and every one. Repeatedly. Throughout the entire day.
Hahahahaha....*sigh*
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A: One. Each and every one. Repeatedly. Throughout the entire day.
Hahahahaha....*sigh*
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You'll Also Need to Reimburse Me For The Amount Of Lead You Used From That Pencil.
Patron: Do you know where I can get a paperclip?
Me: (hands patron a paperclip)
Patron: Thanks....do you want me to return it?
Me: (smirks) No, that's alright.
*******
Me: (hands patron a paperclip)
Patron: Thanks....do you want me to return it?
Me: (smirks) No, that's alright.
*******
Because We Obviously Don't Have Enough To Do
Patron: I need to make a report. Someone tried to beat me and rob me yesterday.
Other GSA: You should contact Public Safety.
Patron: But someone tried to beat and rob me yesterday. I need to make report that.
Other GSA: Yes, and you can call Public Safety to make your report.
Patron: I already talked to them and they didn't do anything. So what are you going to do.
Other GSA: Well, there's nothing the library can do. You'll have to contact Public Safety.
Patron: Well isn't this Public Safety? What does that giant question mark on the wall behind you mean?
Other GSA: It means this is the information desk for the library, and I'm telling you'll have to talk to Public Safety.
Patron: Nah, that's alright, I'm kidding. I'm just trying to embarrass the girl over there (points to girl walking away, shaking head).
Other GSA: Well alright then.
******
2nd Floor Status Report
6 p.m.
Smells like sweat and hot dogs
